But I forget.. you don’t expect an easy answer

Something has happened in my life.  I’ve become cold and relatively bitter, but most importantly I’ve become increasingly angry.  I was never an angry person.  Generally I was pretty passive and content.  It’s an interesting thing to continually learn something about yourself. 

To some this will be an interesting post because the latter (passive and content) is how most people who know me see me.  There’s a lot of reasons for it I guess.  Not always one would expect and not necessarily one even I may know yet. 

I’m not much of a religious person.  I tend to be more of a logical thinker.  The irony is I’m a bit on the spiritual side even if I don’t necessarily know what the answers are.  I have my own love/hate relationship with God that has been going on for a while.  I don’t claim to know the truth but I do know that I will continue to look at life the best I can and hope the answers come along the journey.

Some of this spawns from my current standing in life.  There’s a lot I don’t care for right now.  I didn’t have everything growing up.  Didn’t come from the richest of families, but the family I have, I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world. 

All I really wanted at this point was a job I enjoyed, a loving relationship and maybe a comfortable place to live.  In all honesty I have them all, but each of them come and go depending on the week.  That’s a bit hard to explain but I figure most can understand it. 

My relationship is like a roller coaster.  Sometimes it’s fun as hell but after a while of all the ups and downs your stomach starts to feel nauseous.  Regardless of anything, I still believe in it and continue to fight for it regardless of the loops and jerks and exhaustion. 

What pisses me off the most, aside from being in a void of confusion, is when somebody either calls me a liar or lies to my face.  I can’t stand it.  I understand we live in a world where it is hard to trust people, but there are some people who know they should be able to trust me and live in this delusion of treachery and things that no matter what happens in life, just aren’t me. 

I’ve said it too many times.   If you want to question my integrity.  Bring it.  I have nothing to hide. 

I’ve tried to sum up a lot of feelings in about 30 minutes and trust me this post could go on for about another 2-3 hours if I didn’t, so we’ll consider this a start.

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