So while you’re outside looking in. Describing what you see, Remember what you’re staring at is me

I really don’t ask much out of my relationship.  At least I don’t feel I do.  I really do try to be accomodating for both of us and lately I’ve been trying harder then normal.  Everything I do seems to be construde as an attack of personal character.  It’s ridiculous to the point of what the hell is going on. 

I’ve only ever asked for 3 things out of my relationship.  Three things that I believe are a good solid foundation.  One of them I fail at but I have my reasons but I’m trying no matter hard things are made.   I put a lot of belief into these things because they make sense to me, even if they are stepped on by others.    For any relationship, and you hear it from all sources you need to have time to cultivate it, time apart and time together; trust in your partner and trust in the relationship; and finally honesty, because honesty is so much easier to do then deceipt.

Also you’re head needs to be straight.  You can’t go into a relationship, be happy, get miserable, break up, get you’re ass kissed and treated like a goddess and decide oh you want it again and then end it again because something doesn’t go you’re way.  That is an underlying verification of selfishness.in that you end the relationship because a situation didn’t go you’re way and then say you always wanted to end it.  To me, its a clear sign of fear and instability and the fact that it’s made to be my fault is unfounded.    Putting words in my mouth is something else that needs to be looked at.  Or telling me something has happened tomorrow when it isn’t tomorrow yet.  Putting words her mouth, I’ve been guilty of.  I admit because I take the only thing out of what is said and think I know what she means.  I take that as proof I’m listening. 

time : \ˈtīm\ :noun  –  1 a: the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues
Time can be used in a lot of different ways when it involves the relationship.  We can go work out at the same TIME at the gym.  We need TIME to talk and work out this disagreement.  We need TIME apart.  We aren’t spending enough TIME together.  I’m sorry I don’t feel walking through a grocery store is spending time together.  I think spending time together is watching TV, or a movie, or taking a walk or doing any activity that isn’t necessaary in which to enjoy each others company.  I’m seriously trying to do this.

trust: \ˈtrəst\ noun  –  a charge or duty imposed in faith or confidence or as a condition of some relationship
This is one in which I myself have an problem.  I feel like I’m a trustworthy guy.  So if anybody wants to question my integrity on this, as I’ve said before….bring it.  EVERYBODY who knows me knows theres no reason not to trust me.  This bothers me cause I don’t feel I do anything not trustworthy.  I try to bend over backwards to show people that I’m a good guy, mostly because I hate being treated like something I’m not.  However, I don’t give my full trust.  I feel personally I have my reasons but as with anything I’m supposed to let them go when nobody else lets things go.  I love my girl.  I have no question of that, but this double standard that I’m force fed is quite frankly making things more difficult then they need to be.  Give me one reason you can’t trust me though. 

honesty: \ˈä-nəs-tē\ noun  – fairness and straightforwardness of conduct
To me I honestly have this one clean and clear.  I don’t set out to lie.  It’s just not worth it as I’ve said so many times.  When you lie, you end up having to make up more lies just to cover that first lie and it increases exponentially.  To much work for me.  The truth saves so much time.  This sort of goes hand in hand with simplicity when it comes to me.  If you’re gonna be honest be simple about it.  The more convoludedness there is in your honesty the more it seems overthought or confusing, it probably seems like a lie when it’s not.  So keep it simple it is in the benefit of any situation.

I don’t want anybody to kiss my ass or be subservient.  I’ll never ask that.  That’s unfair.  If we have a problem with the relationship or even a friendship though I do ask that whoever try to moderate their tone and talk to me not against me.  I understand that I’m guilty of doing things in an argument that doesn’t help it get better, everybody is.  All I can do is keep trying for the best and I will.  I love my girl and will continue to work on making us work because I know we can.  I feel like I’m seem as an enemy at this point no matter how many times she says she loves me. 

Believe me though, I’m not the enemy.  I love her more then she will let her see at the moment.  I’m going through the process of becoming the man I want to be.  I can’t do more then that.  I don’t know who you want to be but I know you have something great inside you, I’ve said before that I’ve seen it and for some unforeseen reason you hide it.  Everybody who knows you knows this person is inside and they’ve seen it.  Let that out baby.  Please quit bottling stuff up and lets us be there for you.  We love you Kat.

I love you Kat, forever and alwas and will do what I can to continue to show that.

 

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