No direction, no affection, Watch the soul dive

I generally like to think of myself as an honest person.  Lying is one of those things that is to much work to be worth the effort.  Life is much more simple when you live by truth because of the simple fact that its just that.  A lie can multiple exponentially just to try and keep the original lie from becoming uncovered.  This makes for more lies you have to conceal and the cycle continues.  Too much work.

That’s why I would love to be in politics, although I would suck at it because I’m just too honest.  I think honesty is what this country needs but with the way the government has gone for so long, I’m not sure anybody would know how to handle.  Honestly though, if I’m telling you something, I’m telling you flat out with no bullshit or hidden agenda.  Sometimes I will use point upon point to get to the big picture but I’m going to do it in a direct way as much as possible.

I tend to use music as an outlet.  When it comes to myself, when I’ve been told I can carry a tune I still think I’m quite tone deaf.  What I use it for is to cope with certain things.  Most of my blogs generally have a title thats based off a song as does this one and the preceding one.  Most of it is a self protection thing.  The song may not be even have to do with what I’m feeling but sometimes theres a line that captures a specific feeling, at least how I translate it.

I’m a little nervous.  I start school again tomorrow after 6 and half year hiatus.  I don’t expect it to be much of a problem doing the work and getting the grades most of it has to do with the fact that in all honestly my life desire still floats in limbo as I have no idea what I want more out of a long list of different possiblities.  I’m trying to figure a lot of things out at this point in my life but in all honestly thats still an ongoing task.

I notice a lot of times my words get taken out of context.  I figure as I’ve said, I’m a pretty direct and easy going person so if you’re trying to figure out hidden meaning in my words, you’re probably listening more to yourself then you are to me.  That isn’t going to get anybody anywhere.  Trust me, the last thing I’m going to do, as I’ve said is lie to you, it involves to much work as is not worth the effort in the long run.

I’ve lost a lot of the interest I used to have in movies.  I’m not sure why that happened because I love a good movie, but then again my time spent playing video games, a task that filled a good portion of my existence, has gone to null, maybe its because the movies that are coming out are void of anything of any real good entertainment value.  I spend my days focusing on my relationship/family and work for the most part, squeezing in the gym as much as time will allow. 

It’s interesting to look at the person I was five years ago and the person I am today.  Even now, it’s hard to say which I’m more happy with.  They both have their positives and negatives and there is some that is still the same.  However, there is a lot that is still, yet completely different.


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