In the three years that I was “home”, I worked two jobs that I didn’t like. They weren’t in my field. I could have tried to work for Gateway, but this was at a time that Gateway became a little overconfident in themselves. Soon after Opening Gateway Country stores, they not only started closing them, but had laid off much of its local tech force. (Subsequently trying to offer them less later than what they made when they laid them off).
With the last job I ever worked there, one would think I would be happier. I had a rotating schedule on a 12 hour shift. I had plenty of time to hang out with friends, hit the bar, catch a movie and play Final Fantasy 11 Online. It was the time of Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings. It was when I first set eyes on the short lived, but overwhelmingly awesome show of Firefly. And then, perhaps it was some of the loneliness. There was Yahoo chat. I remember the friend of a friend, whom at this point I couldn’t even tell you her name. Only that her 9 year old played Grand Theft Auto.
But then there was the amberdragonfly. Now referred to in reference as Wisconsin which even though it was before our current life and marriage, a point of jealousy for my wife. A seemingly unhappy housewife, in a marriage that made her feel worthless and me, who already spent a lot of time with next too zero self-esteem, coming together over a mutual affection for a video game series. To this day I can’t remember how that even came to an end. Something that just faded I guess.
It all wore thin. It all reached a boiling point. It all had to end. One night I knew I needed a change. On a break at work I called up my friend to see if his open invitation was still open. Upon confirmation, I left “home” for the last time, head out west. With a short stop in Colorado, with friends I had been talking to through the same messenger service, it was then onto visit friends in the place I had found home. This included the one I left, who had now been married, divorced and with another man who by all appearances, looked like she was solid with. But I had left an impact it would seem.
I can tell you that the first time around, we were not the people we needed to be to make this work. Hell, until the last few years we haven’t been the people we needed to be, but we made it work and today we are each others rocks. I had other friends to see and unintentionally the damage had been done. Within a few months we would be talking and falling asleep with each other on the phone. But sit tight. We’ll get there.
A tip for weary traveler who may be approaching the 101 in Sunny California. When it’s late and you’ve already been on the road for half a day, this road is never ending. This doesn’t count the distance between home, colorado, utah. When I finally got there though, it was late so there was no unpacking, little for pleasantries. It was mostly time for sleep. The next morning, Xaos, my friend, my brother had plans and it was to give me something I had longed for. A trip to Monterrey and the great blue Pacific Ocean. It was the breeze, it was the sound of the tide and crashing waves. It was serenity. It wasn’t home. I hadn’t found that yet, but it was where I needed to be when I needed to be there.