I don’t have the same relation with my family like I grew up having.  I’m learning now that we don’t hold the same values or beliefs.  This, as I said is mostly due to the living twelve hundred miles away and that the person they knew being non existent.

That time, very much like school is a fading echo of a memory.  Now I relate to them by social media mostly with a witty comment, a disagreement with their statuses as I have a need to correct untruths, misinformation or blatant hypocrisy.

Then however, you have to remember that I saw a good portion of them almost everyday.  Two were in my class.  While absence may make the heart grow fonder and I sometimes find myself missing people, it occurs to just as frequently that we wouldn’t have much but those memories to relate on.

It saddens me to think that my lack of interest in ever visiting Missouri is almost a guarantee that I likely won’t see any of them again.  The older I get it constantly find myself more afraid of death.  I guess if I could find a way to believe in an afterlife, it wouldn’t be so scary, but religion is a conversation for another day.  My point is that my focus is just surviving to the next day so I can be here for my children, the rest of the world be damned.

I think my point is there are people I was close too that I miss but I know things would be different.  I think the way things are likely aren’t going to change, and part of that is not for any person in particular but I am to tired to make much effort anymore.

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